What kind of passenger are you?
Those arbiters of good taste and refinement, the Debrett’s people, have recently published ideas on how one should conduct oneself on social networking sites. I think a more pressing problem though, is how people should conduct themselves when they’re in the air.
As such, Skyscanner brings you the “What kind of passenger are you?” quiz. Consider the scenarios below and decide which response best fits your behaviour (for accuracy’s sake, exaggeration has obviously been kept to a minimum):
1. Arriving at your seat on a busy plane, you wish to stow your luggage in the overhead lockers. Do you:
A) offer to help the elderly and those of a shorter persuasion with their luggage before finally putting yours away.
B) carefully pack your own things whilst being mindful of the property of others.
C) remove other people’s bags to make room for your oversized suitcase of 4000 duty-free B&H as you wonder where you can get another Stella from.
2. The plane has taken off and you want to recline your seat. Do you:
A) turn round with a smile and in a friendly tone ask the person behind if they would mind you putting your seat back a touch.
B) recline the seat gently, being careful to raise it before meals and drinks are served.
C) smash the seat back, shattering the kneecaps of the passenger behind you, whip off your yellow trainers, unzip your matching tracksuit and sleep for the remainder of the flight whilst breathing Stella fumes on your neighbour.
3. You are being served by an attractive, young flight attendant. Do you:
A) act, as always, in a courteous and pleasant manner with no noticeable change in your behaviour.
B) attempt to be charming whilst maintaining a respectful, social distance.
C) make offensive, sexist and obscene remarks, periodically lunging at their posterior whilst shouting, “This should be part of the service!” before being temporarily placated with another can of Stella.
4. The drinks trolley comes round. Do you:
A) order an orange juice and a bottle of water to remain hydrated during your flight.
B) have a glass of white wine which you will drink with dinner.
C) ask for three Bacardi and Cokes for the children (how else will toddlers sleep?) and eight Stellas for you – with vodka chasers. It’s free – take advantage.
5. Are you the type of person who:
A) has never pressed the Flight Attendant button.
B) has pressed it on occasion but only when really necessary.
C) presses it more or less constantly throughout all flights because it’s the only time in your life when your desperate cravings for attention are temporarily satisfied.
6. It’s time for some lunch. Do you:
A) wait for the person next to you to finish first so they have a bit more space.
B) tuck your elbows in and keep food containers in a tidy, manageable pile for cabin crew.
C) constantly bump the person next to you as you wrestle with the unfamiliar concept of cutlery, discover vegetables for the first time, drop food down your front and wish you had had a kebab instead of this foreign muck (you don’t do irony).
7. Entertaining yourself on a long flight is important. Do you:
A) read Crime and Punishment in the original Russian before casting an eye over Le Monde and the Berliner Zeitung.
B) peruse the latest Tom Clancy novel and then watch the in-flight entertainment system.
C) books are for nerds so you watch Saw XVI instead on an ultra bright laptop you bought from a bloke down the pub. Without headphones.
8. A fellow passenger stumbles with a drink and he spills a glass of water over you. Do you:
A) ask if he is okay, quietly deal with the situation and assure him it is entirely understandable.
B) remain polite and courteous but with a discernible hint of justified irritation.
C) leap to your feet and punch him repeatedly in the face, shouting that you’ve killed people for less. You’re used to metal handcuffs so the plastic ones make a nice change.
How did you do?
Mostly A: you are model passenger (possibly a tall, well-educated nun) and you are a joy and delight to be around.
Mostly B: you are like most of us – a very reasonable individual who causes no trouble whatsoever.
Mostly C: you should not be allowed outside unless accompanied by the police let alone on public transport. Aren’t you due in court during the first week of your holiday?
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