White sand, blue sea, clear skies – what could possibly go wrong? A lot. From sunburn to getting attacked by seagulls, sometimes being on holiday can be far from relaxing. Here are 13 things you don’t want to happen on the beach.
1) Being stung by a jellyfish
You head out for a ‘casual dip’ and before you know it, “OUCH!” You’ve been stung by a jellyfish and you’ve never felt pain like it. After you’ve dragged your sorry self to the shore, a spectacle soon starts to occur. Everyone’s getting involved. People are waving their hands and shouting, then suddenly the ‘local hero’ drops his trunks to provide the well-known antidote to the jellyfish sting. How embarrassing…
If you skip the suncream, prepare to face the consequences. When your skin isn’t used to the sunshine, you’re going to burn, baby, burn! The worst thing is the ‘selective sunburn’ – fall asleep with your sunglasses on, and you may gain the nickname of ‘pink panda’. Another thing – if you’re on holiday with a prankster, be very wary of the words they may scrawl on your back in suncream when you’re asleep. It’ll certainly take a long time to fade…
3) Difficulties in the sea
It seemed like a nice idea at the time to ride your lilo on the waves, but suddenly you find yourself far away from the beach with no means of getting back. You wave frantically to try and get someone’s attention, but they just assume you’re excited and happy to be in the sea, so they wave back…
4) You fall asleep and are a victim to a kid’s prank
Kids will be kids, and if they have a bucket and spade, they will soon get creative! You’re dreaming about being in a peaceful cocoon, but then wake up to realise you’re buried up to your neck in sand and a group of kids are sniggering in the distance! Get ready to dig yourself out to the soundtrack of laughter…
5) Pestered by peddlers selling tat
“No I don’t want an authentic ‘Rollux’ watch for €1. No, I don’t fancy a henna tattoo either. Hair braid? Go on then!” The list of tat you can buy on a beach is endless and unfortunately, if you accidentally give the head nod, you’ll never get rid of the irritating seller trying to get rid of all his useless junk. He may even tell his friends there’s a gullible foreigner on this part of the beach that they should pester too. If in doubt, just pretend you haven’t seen him…don’t buy something and expect it to be the last time he pesters you.
6) You lose your trunks/swimming costume in the sea
You were enjoying the rhythm of the waves – until you realised you were standing there starkers! Mother Nature has been a thief and there’s no way of being inconspicuous about your return to the sunbed. The whole beach is your audience and frankly, you’re not ready to perform! You realise that the swimming costume is a lost cause, so frantically search for a (large) piece of seaweed to cover your modesty.
7) The ‘friendly’ dog
You see him running in the distance and know he’s making a b-line for you! Fido’s certainly a friendly dog, and unfortunately it’s your leg that he’s decided to ‘make friends’ with. You try and pat him on the head, and laugh it off, but the mutt isn’t letting go. You’re tempted to call the local police and get him locked up for assault, but his owner apologetically arrives (five minutes later) and enthusiastically declares: “I think he likes you!”
8) Seagull hell
They may look pretty from a distance, but seagulls can soon ruin your pleasant beach experience. Whether they’re squawking loudly, stealing your food, attacking you or you suffer from a seagull ‘splat’ on the head, there’s rarely a happy conclusion to an encounter with one of these bothersome birds.
9) A crab pinches your toe
Damn it, if it’s not the jellyfish, it’s Clive the crab – on a mission to make your journey into the sea hell. He’s got your big toe and he’s not letting go.
10)You fall asleep and your wallet is stolen
You’ve read the guidebook, it’s one of the ‘safest resorts in the world’ – what could possibly go wrong? As you drift out of your sunshine induced slumber, you soon realise one thing is missing – your wallet! There’s no worse feeling than waking up to realise you’ve been naïve about the safety of your resort and have been robbed.
11) Hit by a beach ball
Never think it’s a wise idea to lay your towel near the volleyball court. Yes the view may be good, but before you know it, it’s a knock-out and you’ll be wearing an eye patch for the rest of the holiday.
12) A gust of wind covers you in sand
There’s no way the sunburn is going to ruin your holiday once again. So you’ve been wise this time and slapped on a thick layer of factor 30 suncream all over you. You lie back and get ready to enjoy the sun’s rays, when all of a sudden there’s a gust of wind and you’re completely covered in sand. You could be mistaken for a sand sculpture – what a nightmare!
13) Beach is empty but an ageing lothario sidles up next to you
A wonderful spacious beach, it almost feels secluded…it really doesn’t get much better than this. Hold on, who’s that creep? An ageing lothario with a hairy chest, medallion and a g-string that looks like dental floss has decided to ignore the fact there’s space for miles, and instead parks his towel half a metre from yours whilst whispering: “bonjourno”. You can feel his piercing gaze even through his sunglasses, yet you’re too polite to get up and move.