Confessions of a cabin girl

Why you should never be rude to cabin crew! We speak to Lucy*, former air hostess, who dishes the dirt...

1. Strip search

Be careful how you speak to cabin crew, as being rude could get you more than a curt reply. We once had the displeasure of having to fly a group of extremely obnoxious teenagers back from Amsterdam. They were so rude to us that we decided their behaviour could not go unchecked. So we phoned ahead to customs and said we suspected them of carrying drugs. Hopefully getting a thorough search by customs officers will have improved their manners!

2. Mile high

You might think you’re flying under the radar when sneaking around looking to get amorous at altitude, but cabin crew know all the tricks that lovers try (after all, many of us have been there ourselves!). On one flight we spotted a couple creeping into the toilet for some mile high action, so three of us stood outside gossiping, waiting to greet the somewhat sheepish pair when they’d finished their lavatory love-in.

3. Oxygen is the best hangover cure

It’s true that the life of cabin crew can be hedonistic. You fly all round the world, often spending just a night in one place, and getting to meet a lot of people. This tends to lead to some heavy nights out, but lots of early morning starts too. It was not unknown for cabin crew to help themselves to a good blast of therapeutic oxygen to help quell the hangover, following a night of excess.

4. Not all sick bags get emptied

Occasionally, on quick turnarounds, there wasn’t time to check all the seat pockets. On one flight, we had Ricky from Eastenders on board, and for some reason, he stuck his hand into the sick bag in the seat pocket. Poor Ricky had inadvertently plunged his palm into a bag of cold sick.

5. Tray sledging

Occasionally cabin crew fly on planes with no customers. There were often the most fun flights, as obviously there was very little to do. Sometimes, during take-off, we’d use trays to slide down the aisle. You’d be surprised at how much speed you can get up on a meal tray, but carpet burns were a hazard (and that’s not a reference to the mile high club!).

*Not her real name (if you hadn’t guessed!)