It feels great, doesn’t it? At this time on a Monday you’d usually be in a meeting but now you’re on holiday! As you sit in the airport lounge with a Malibu and lemonade, you undergo a bizarre character and personality transformation…
Holidays are the time to leave your worries behind, but be careful - as well as your inhibitions, you might also be leaving your common sense at home. From hitting the beach in speedos to purchasing useless souvenirs, beware these holiday horrors. Alicia Drewnicki shares the top 10 things that people only do when they're on holiday.
1. Bad fashion choices
Prime example: those baggy white linen trousers at the back of your wardrobe. They're hidden away all year round, but as soon as you step off the plane, you forget they're impractical and see-through, and they become a ‘must-wear item’. Just because you’ve got a tan doesn’t mean you’ll pull it off.
2. Consuming enough breakfast for three people
On a normal day, a bowl of cornflakes is enough, but when it's holiday time, the breakfast buffet becomes an obstacle course that must be completed (in four or five instalments). You'll find yourself opting for the fry-up...followed by fruit, pastries, cereal, yoghurt, orange juice and coffee. You'd never dream of eating this much at home, but on holiday it seems a waste not to get a taste of everything. Must… get… my… money’s worth.
Hail the infamous ‘budgie smugglers’. They leave nothing to the imagination, and they're definitely not a fashion statement. Men all around the world, ask yourself: why do you commit this shocking fashion crime?
4. Obsession with getting a tan
If it's a sunny day back at home, we might find time to get out in the sun for an hour or two, but when it comes to holidays, tanning becomes an obsession. You'll find yourself on a mission to get as brown as possible, even if it means holding back on the sun protection and slapping on the tan-intensifying serum. Be warned, these foolish tactics will only result in the oh-so-attractive red lobster look.
5. Falling in love with the local stray cat
We've all been there. You're eating at a restaurant near the beach and the local stray kitty looks up at you with his big begging eyes. For the whole holiday, you can't forget him and hope he might be there the next night so you can give ‘the poor little fella’ some more scraps. Seeing him walking the beach on his own, this unrealistic thought goes through your head at least once: “I wonder how much it would cost to put him through quarantine and bring him home...”
6. That one fat guy who practises the ‘belly flop’
Picture the scene: you're trying to sunbathe and relax by the pool, when suddenly ‘man-mountain’ decides it's time to practise his best belly flop. Wherever you go, there's always one guy like this who has to ruin your poolside cocktail and leave you soaked. He's seen Tom Daley dive on the TV and thinks it's the perfect time to perform to his ‘audience’.
7. Striking up conversation with someone just because they're also British
At home, ‘aloof’ is the word when it comes to conversing with strangers, but when we enter a bar and find a fellow Brit, we miraculously become their best friend. All inhibitions are lost and it suddenly becomes a thrill to find someone from our home country. You'll chat about how far away you live from each other, promise to meet up, and develop a bond for no reason other than you both find it funny that you can’t understand ‘the locals’.
8. Being glued to the camcorder/taking hundreds of photos you'll never look at again
Key rule: Must document EVERYTHING. If you've avoided bringing along the family camcorder, the chances are, you're probably armed with a huge camera around your neck, or you’re running down your smartphone battery by the second. Rather than appreciating the sights with your eyes, you find yourself snap-happy, taking photos of every sunset, wall of graffiti, religious building and vague tourist attraction you can see. Will you ever look at these photos again? No.
9. Trying weird dishes you'd usually avoid
Normally black pudding is exotic enough, but when we go abroad, we find ourselves happily munching on chicken feet, crickets on a stick, chocolate scorpions or other weird dishes that most locals are sensible enough to avoid.
10. Buying useless novelty souvenirs
Clogs, tribal masks, Pope-on-a-rope soap. Why do we buy these useless souvenirs? We don't need them and we'll never use them. If you've resisted buying souvenirs the whole trip, the inevitable ‘souvenir-less panic’ will set in as you pass duty-free, and before you know it, you'll find yourself walking on to the plane with a fridge magnet, a bottle of the local spirit, a tacky paperweight and a postcard you're never going to send.
How many of these holiday sins are you guilty of? Bet it's a few! Confess your shame below. And if you want to hear more on the funnier side of travel, give our cult podcast a listen: